A Grape-Eating Sasquatch

Recently, a friend and myself were having a facebook chat. It turned out to be quite delightful, so it occurred to me share it with you right now. I asked his permission to use his words. Using more words than was absolutely necessary, he replied that I could. I think.

John: Is that a Ryan I see?

Ryan: Not really; your eyes must be duping you, John...

John: Ah, you are probably right...

Ryan: Or, I could be duping you into THINKING your eyes are the ones doing the duping; wouldn't that be sinisterly ingenious?

John: Most likely. It would probably cause the brain of anyone that tried to comprehend it to twist and turn until it reached a state of bodyless goo.

Ryan: Certainly. You've reached a fair conclusion with your incisive mind, Mr. Sawatzky. An admirable feat indeed. How do you fare, Monsieur John? Or do French titles offend you?

John: In order for a French title to offend me, it would need to cause, in the higher plain of philosophical thinking, a wake of destruction so vast that it could be compared to a Sasquatch eating a grape.

Ryan: You've left propriety behind with your senseless rambles, Mr. Sawatzky; care to explain to me in what manner destruction is caused by the consumption, of a grape, by Sasquatch? Without this information, I have no point of comparison when juxtaposing the destruction of both French titles and grape-eating Sasquatches alike...

And, without the comparison, we won't know if it offends you. Do please explain, Mr. Sawatzky, so that we might both be enlightened by this truly significant conversation...

John: You haven't ever seen a Sasquatch eat a grape, have you, Ryan-kun? (or do Japanese honorifics offend you?). You would have no need of this knowledge if you were aware of the full details of this event. Sadly, the phenomenon only happens in Canada, during the Sasquatch mating season. It is quite a tragedy that it doesn't happen anymore, most of the Sasquatches got eaten by moose (they ate all they could in Alaska).

Ryan: kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

Heh - one second...

John: Having trouble, sir?

Ryan: Sorry; the deferment of my reply was necessitated by an unexpected call from a compatriot of mine...

Allow me a brief moment to respond to your charming and winsome anecdote, Mr. Sawatzky...

Firstly, Japanese honorifics (or obeisances in any way, shape or form) do not affront me one bit; however, I have found Tunisian ones to border on the impertinent, so I would refrain from using those...

Second, while your details of Sasquatches and their grape-consuming tendencies were both intriguing and well-written, I must express my dissatisfaction with its lack of pertinence to the matter at hand. You still have neglected to explain to me HOW it is Sasquatches eating grapes is terrifyingly destructive...

Aside from the predatory moose, of course...

John: You are not thinking correctly, Mr. Carlile. How could I describe such remarkable occurrence, if I was not a Sasquatch myself? Or are you implying such a dreadful thought? I know at times I might be hairy, and my bodily aroma might not be the most pleasant, but nothing compared to a Sasquatch!

Ryan: Are you admitting as much, Mr. Sawatzky? Your surname bears an awful resemblance to the fabled Sasquatch...

And, if you cannot describe the occurrence, where is our reference point? How am I to determine, by comparison, whether or not you are affronted by French titles?

John: I guess you will never know...

Ryan: I suppose not.