Gary The Golf Club

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Hey there, my name is Gary the Golf Club! I hear that some weirdo named "John" or something or other usually does the posting here. I went through a few of them, and they were mostly trash. So, I'll be doing his post for today! Because sadly, he is a bit "preoccupied" at the moment *muffled scream from closet*. Oh, that wasn't a scream, that was my toaster. It, uh, has some delicious toast, yum...

I am here today to address a plight that has been sweeping this nation: Golf Club abuse. Most people see golf as a nice sport to help them relax. I beg to differ. How would YOU like to be forced, day in, day out, to hit a golf ball? It gives me headaches just thinking about it. Not to mention all the lousy golfers that miss the tee altogether, and end up making us hit the grass instead (I don't think that that stain will EVER come out...).

When we aren't being used, you humans put us in a golf bag with the rest of our brethren. Hanging out with the guys is great, but there is thing called "personal space". You don't go in my bubble, I don't go in your bubble, and everything works out. Well, that really can't work WHEN I'M CRAMMED IN A BAG WITH YOU!

Those things aren't fun at all, but the least that you could do would be to give us some respect. Clean us ONCE in awhile, okay? The dirt and sand build up culminates over time, until we are basically coated with  it. You take baths, right? (Well, some of you do, anyway.) So why don't you let us get clean again too?