Dogs Driving Ice Cream Trucks

I was a bit desperate for a post idea for today. So, the illustrious Ryan gave me a long list of suggestions, many of them humorous, especially one in particular, writing why dogs shouldn't be allowed to drive ice cream trucks. I have no idea where to go with this, but an idea is an idea :)

I am here on behalf of the COICTPA (Canine Operation of Ice Cream Trucks Prevention Agency) to inform you of a very real danger on our roads: dogs driving ice cream trucks. Many ice cream truck employers do not require employees to present information that they are not canine. Because of this, there have been multiple instances of unlawful mutts driving these trucks, and presenting an unsanitary environment.  Not to mention that sales go down because  the children are afraid of the dog in the drivers seat, thus hurting the economy. Don't ask me why, it just does.

Dogs that are part of the criminal element find ice cream trucks a prime target, going to great lengths to steal them, perhaps because the trucks are inconspicuous and are easily sold on the black market.

Studies have proven that dogs, on average, have slightly slower reaction times than humans. Thus, it is safe to assume that all dogs, as a whole, are unsafe drivers (the studies also proved that they have better judgment, are less likely to text while driving, and are less likely to be under the influence of alcohol while driving. Not that that matters or anything). Upon news of these startling results Congress revoked all driver licenses issued to canines. If you ever see a dog driving a motor vehicle, in particular ice cream trucks, I assure you that it's license is not valid. Please inform your local police department as quickly as possible.